`I DON'T LET ANYTHING GET TOO CLOSE TO ME, BE IT TANGIBLE OR INTANGIBLE'
What's passion? Ask Sushant Singh Rajput.
The actor eats, drinks and breathes cinema. When he dropped out of engineering college many years ago to pursue acting, he made sure that he didn't have a back-up plan. “I didn't want to have an option that I could fall back on. Plan B was always to go back to Plan A,“ he tells us. Sushant has made the difficult transition from television to films, but he refuses to be swayed by the trappings of fame and success. In a candid chat, a few days before the release of his film Raabta, directed by Dinesh Vijan, he speaks to BT about passion, relationships and why he doesn't let anything, tangible or intangible, get too close to him.Excerpts:
When you came to Mumbai in 2006 to be an actor, did you ever imagine that you would come this far?
When I was pursuing engineering in Delhi, acting was on my mind. Right in the first semester, I started training in dance and theatre with Shiamak Davar and Barry John, respectively . I still remember what an amazing feel ing it was being on stage, probably because I didn't know that was what I had wanted all my life. As a child, I was an introvert and was very pampered at home, but I didn't know how to get the same kind of attention from people when I stepped out.
They wouldn't give me that kind of attention and I felt that it's better not to talk so that I don't get judged. Still, I wanted some sort of recognition and I thought excelling in studies would help me get it.
During my college days, when I was performing, either dancing or doing a play , I felt great. I could see hundreds of strangers look at me and get affected by what I was doing. That was so powerful, so magical; I felt, `Wow! I can make them laugh, I can make them cry . They are paying to listen to me'. That's when I knew that this is what I have to do for the rest of my life, no matter how much I get paid for it. But the fact was that I was in a prestigious college and I could have gone to a Bschool or Stanford. At that point, I said to myself, `One day , I'll own a big place in Bandra and have plenty of cars'. This was my way of convincing myself to drop out of college. It was third year and I could have stayed on for another year and got myself a degree, but I dropped out so that I didn't have a back-up plan if I failed as an actor. I didn't want to think that if I don't make it big here, I have something to fall back on. Plan B for me was to go back to Plan A.
What were your initial days of struggle like?
The moment I came to Mumbai, I was thrilled because I knew that I had the licence to pursue my dream. I enjoyed that entire phase; I remember I used to stay in Versova with six guys in one single room-kitchen. I was very, very happy . Today, even with the success of my films, insane amount of money and acknowledgement, I can only be at par with that happiness.
Your TV show Pavitra Rishta became a huge success and you enjoyed instant fame. Did that turn things around for you very quickly?
I have always lived a very subjective life and done things that I have wanted to. No logic, no reference! I do whatever suits me at that point in time. So, I started doing TV and the show became huge. That was an important juncture in my life because two things happened -I started making money and people had begun to recognise me. I come from a middle-class family and while it was not like we didn't have money , it was always a big differentiator. Since I was an introvert, when people started recognising me on the roads or at malls, it was trippy for two to three months, and then I got used to it. So, I felt that this is the lie that the society and our education system tells us -that one day , you will become rich and will be acknowledged and that is success; post that, everything will be sorted. That's not the case because in reality, it is actually the beginning. You will get used to it and you will come back to the same frame of mind as you were when you didn't have these things. And if you are doing something you don't like, but are doing it just for money and fame, then you are screwed all your life because you are not enjoying it and now you are used to all of that. I was saved because I would never think of how much I was getting paid; acting is something I would pay to do. What I have realised about money and fame is that when you don't have it, it is very important; but when you have it, after a point, it doesn't matter.
But a career like this brings along a lot of insecurities, too. For instance, the struggle to constantly stay relevant and be at the top your game...
If you are doing what you like doing, you are not thinking about anything else. You are not thinking about the future, so there is no insecurity . I went to IIT a few days ago and they actually understood what I was saying, even though it was completely contrary to what we are taught. I explained to them how when I was studying, I was given an-hour-and-a-half, between 4 and 5.30 pm, to play . I would wait for 4 pm and I felt within five minutes, it would be 5.30 pm. When you enjoy what you are doing, you have no idea how much time has passed. Hard work, talent, risk-taking ability , perseverance are just by-products. I told the students that since 2006, I have been living the 4 to 5.30 pm life; it doesn't feel like work, I would pay and do this, just like I would have paid then to play between 4 and UE 5.30 pm. So, the point is that there is no room to be obsessed about the future and hence, inse future and hence, inse curity never kicks in.
Do you feel accepted by the industry or are there still some people who look at you as the TV star-turned-film actor?
I have done five films and Raabta is the sixth one. I did each of these films after refusing an average of five to six films. The movies that I have done are the ones that I really wanted to do, not because I was short of options. I cannot complain.
What was the clincher when it came to Raabta?
Generally , I have a problem with scripts that I don't believe in. Reincarnation is something that I don't believe in, but this script was so well-written that I wanted to believe in it and tell the story. If you watch Interstellar, nobody has ever seen wormholes, but they are dealing with wormholes and you will accept it because the narrative is so good. In Jungle Book, animals talk to each other. It is not what we believe in, but it is how you tell a story . Secondly, it was the challenge of convincing the audience that I am two different characters, within a span of 120 minutes.
Do you think one of the high points of Raabta is your chemistry with Kriti Sanon?
It was there right from the first day . I remember before she came to shoot, I was discussing with Dinoo (Vijan) how these days actors don't listen while doing a scene.
They just know their lines, their cues.
They'll pretend, but they are not listening.
When Kriti came in, I did an improvisation which was not in the script and she reacted to it. And then, she came up with another and I looked at Dinoo and he smiled. Like I said, the chemistry between Kriti and me was always there.
There are rumours that Kriti and you are a couple. Is it the off screen chemistry that translates on to the screen?
I don't think anything that you are in normal life would translate in front of the camera if you are not a good actor. It's just prepara tion. People frequently get confused and say that some are method actors and some are spontaneous. It's bull shit! There is always a method to spon taneity .
So, are you saying that Kriti and you are no more than just good friends?
I'll tell you why she is important. I don't have many friends. Kriti and I have a lot of things in common. She did her engineering, too...
But she didn't drop out...
(Laughs) No. She completed her engineering and makes it a point to remind me that I didn't! Kriti and I are also both big foodies.She is completely transparent, never puts up a charade and is a keen listener. When you listen and somebody else listens to you as well, it is a very good relationship. She is like one of my five-six friends, so she is spe cial but that's about it.
You were very open about your rela tionship with Ankita Lokhande.
Have you now gone the other extreme in life where you'd pre fer being tight-lipped about your relationships?
I have nothing to prove to any one. It's not like I think I will be the No. 1 star tomorrow and then I'll reveal it all to the world. I don't think about the future. I don't have the time and the energy to wonder what people think about me, because thanks to my profession, I am doing something very interesting in life. If some one asks me a question, I will be honest because there is nothing to protect, there is no reputation to build.
In a break-up, often one per son gets affected more than the other. In such a case, do you think two people can really be friends?
I have seen people being friends, it's pos sible. But then, I have seen many people have many friends, too. I don't have many friends (laughs).
Are Ankita and you cordial? What about recent reports that the two of you went out for coffee?
These are completely fictional stories.They ask me for my quote, but I don't want to make a statement that involves somebody else without their permission.
Have you thought about marriage?
As I said, I just don't think about the future.It can happen anytime... or it might not happen also! Has the fact that you've been raised in a women-dominated home shaped your thought process to a large extent?
Yes, of course. I have four sisters, my mother passed away while I was still studying.My eldest sister is a topper; she is like my mother, almost 10 years older than me. I got drawn into science only because of her. My second sister would play cricket; she taught me how to ride bikes, cars and how to dress up. She was almost like an elder brother.My other two sisters and I are more like my friends. My mother never differentiated between any of us. She emphasised a lot on education and always said it largely shapes the way you think. I am very close to my sisters and my dad, but the kind of relationship I had with my mother was different. It just happened so suddenly , she was not there one day . I was in a state of shock, I didn't know how to deal with it. I was not crying; in fact, I didn't cry for the longest time. It was such a denial and deep down, I still haven't resolved it. I think somewhere because of that, I don't get very close to people emotionally .The understanding that there could be a time when someone very close to me will not be there scared me. So now, nothing is very important. I don't mean that in a negative sense, but yes, I don't let anything get too close to me, be it tangible or intangible.
Your tweets tend to reflect your philosophical side quite a bit.
It's not philosophy . I was always a science student and was never into anything that had nothing to do with certainty . Science is all about certainty , about laws and it doesn't deal with a subjective point of view. I was wired like that. Once I started reading different kinds of books, which were also to do with science, it changed the way I thought.There's this forum where the best guys from different disciplines -Astrophysics, Quantum Physics, Behavioural Economics, Cognitive Science come together and discuss ome together and discuss their experiences. If you read books on that, you realise that scientists are now saying that everything is just approximations, not certainties. So, what ever I write is not philosophy , it's sci ence because science tells you that there is nothing right, nothing wrong. It's just your opinion, my opinion. Or it's your way of looking at things or my way of looking at things.
