To live in or not to live in?

TRIAL RUN

‘To live in or not to live in?’ might be the Hamlet-esque dilemma of today’s generation; as more and more couples give it a shot before tying the knot, we weigh the pros and cons

Living in isn’t always hunky-dory.

What if you break up? Who keeps the toaster? Who gets the LED TV you paid for together? Even if you’re madly in love and staying together, what if your parents decide to land up and
say, “Surprise”?

From page 01 Bachelor or family?” The question is familiar to anyone who’s tried to rent a place in Mumbai. Ad executive Samar Patel was faced with it when, after living in a “dark, damp little room in Bandra”, and with his girlfriend living in a PG, they decided to move in together. “It was a big step; something we’d have dilly-dallied over in any other city; but it made practical sense in Mumbai. We’d been dating for years, and paying money separately for terrible accommodation,” he says.
So, “family” said Samar –– most young couples tell this practical lie, since “we’re going to live in” doesn’t quite fly — as he and Akshara moved in together. Three years, two apartments, and a few dodged visits from parents later, they tied the knot.

But living in isn’t always hunky-dory. What if you break up? Who keeps the toaster? Who gets the LED TV you both paid for? Even if you’re madly in love and staying together, what if your parents decide to land up and say, “Surprise”?
As rumours surface of yet-another celebrity couple parting ways after living in (actors Abhay Deol and Preeti Desai are rumoured to have split; though it’s unlikely they’re fighting over the toaster), we look at the risks, benefits and challenges of living together.

Step one: moving in

Sounds easy enough, doesn’t it, once you’ve decided your relationship is at that stage? Well, not always. When Aditi moved back to Mumbai after studying in Chennai, her boyfriend Stuart mustered the courage to tell his parents they wanted to live together. “They threw a fit,” says Aditi. So, instead, “Stuart moved in with a friend, said so to his parents, and then we moved in together,” she adds. But finding a house still proved hard. “We had decided to say we’re engaged. But after agreeing to give us his flat in Chembur, an owner turned us away at the last minute. ‘We can’t have a non-married couple; that, too, a Hindu and a Christian’ was the logic. Next time, we just said we’re married,” says Aditi.
Setting the rules
“‘Neither a borrower nor a lender be’. Split all costs...” is the rule Avni and Manish live by. Explaining their reason, Avni says, “Some people stop splitting costs, but that’s a mistake. You should never become a liability. That way, you also keep the sanctity of a ‘date’ intact. Every now and then, we take each other out for a drink or dinner, and it still feels like doing something special. It stays fun.” Avni says it’s also important to give each other space. “You’re always coming home to the same person, so it’s not a bad idea to sometimes do your own thing.” So, Manish gets his PlayStation gaming nights, and Avni uses the time to “blast music that he doesn’t like”.

Dealing with parents
Aditi and Stuart’s parents met for the first time when they decided to get married. “My parents knew about us living together, but I had to tell them not to say anything about it to Stuart’s parents,” says Aditi. “They still don’t know about it.”
Avni, on the other hand, says, “My parents knew Manish; he was a friend before we moved in. I told them we had decided to stay together, to share the rent… Every time they visit, Manish either moves out, or stays in