a public outrage over the issue of domestic violence

Why should women tolerate public display of violence?

The news of celeb chef Nigella Lawson being almost choked by her husband during a restaurant spat, has triggered a public outrage over the issue of domestic violence

    On Sunday, pictures of British celebrity chef Nigella Lawson being attacked by her millionaire husband Charles Saatchi — at a restaurant in Central London — emerged, shocking her fans across the world.
    The incident has not only raised anger levels among people, but is creating a huge furore too, with folks taking to social networking sites and other platforms to condemn the ‘public display of violence’. A radio presenter in Australia has sparked an outrage on social media sites, by posting a blog implying Aussie women should boycott Nigella’s books until she “makes a stand on domestic violence”.
    Lawson, a public figure and someone who is admired by food lovers, has been criticised for ‘taking it’. Experts talk to BT about the underlying importance of why women should stand up to assault and how to deal with it…
PEOPLE LIKE HER FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR VIOLENCE Nigella may be a public figure who is loved by many, but she has a very low sense of selfworth, says psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty. “No form of violence should ever be accepted. In Nigella’s case, it doesn’t look like it has happened for the first time. But women like her cannot react as they view themselves very negatively — they constantly think, ‘It’s my fault’. If they have experienced similar abuse earlier, they are traumatised and vulnerable to more. Women like Nigella are very pretty and successful and can have a million admirers, but that cannot lift their selfworth. How the world sees them is very different from how they view themselves,” he reasons.
    Varkha Chulani, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, pegs it down to the need for approval. “The conditioning of women, especially in India, is that they have to be dependant and family-centric. Their success is defined by the relationship with their husband and children and being ‘liked’. This need for approval is so desperate that they condone treatments of this kind. Many women also tolerate mental abuse.” Chulani also feels that most men are unable to stomach their wives’ success.
    Does she blame the celebrity chef for ‘taking it’? Chulani explains, “I think it may be unfair to ask for a boycott of Nigella’s books until she takes a stand. She may have her reasons for reacting in a certain way — most women are not feminists by birth. We, as a society, are quick to condemn as it is our need to do so. We don’t have the courage to take a stand, so we want a powerful person to do it.”
THE WAY OUT Dr Shetty says the solution is to introspect with the help of a counselor. “Try and heal the wounds of the past so that the pattern does not repeat. Only when you feel strong from within can you love and affirm yourself.”
    Adds Chulani, “Someone like Nigella needs to understand that she deserves better. She must not look at herself as a helpless victim. Women allow abuse as they feel it atones for their sins. This is wrong, it’s high time women reassessed their self-worth.”

Nigella Lawson