Tintin and the twitterati
Tintin pressed the twitter app on his tablet and he saw someone posting under the handle @snowyWFT (which he guessed stood for White Fox Terrier) and he was intrigued. After all, Snowy did not have opposable thumbs (or a capacity for abstract thought) so someone was using his identity on the internet. It might have been Captain Haddock playing a prank but Tintin doubted it: the good captain tweeted as @rationmyrum and was pretty prolific, even if his tweets were mostly Baudelaire-like in their praise of Loch Lomond whiskey. It might have been Cutts the butcher, but he too was prolific as @cuttsmeats though how his tweets kept landing on Tintin's timeline was a genuine mystery that no hacker could explain. He realised it was time to ask his friends, @thompson and @withoutthepee, to investigate.
"Mum's the word," Thompson tweeted. "We'll start with @calculusrules."
It made sense, for Professor Calculus appeared to be down in the dumps ever since his proposal for allowing 51% FDI in multi-brand retail was shelved. He knew that trouble loomed: the economy was clearly slowing down, and even if Europe accepted Germany's rules for fiscal discipline ("Hitler must be laughing from his throne in hell @calculusrules," SnowyWFT had tweeted tastelessly), the meltdown would cause the globe to sink faster than Red Rackham's treasure. Money was racing madly to the US. The country could lessen the pain by attracting some of that money through FDI. And who would get hurt? All prophets of doom had repeatedly been proven wrong since 1991.
Yet so politically weakened was Professor Calculus that he could not push the FDI proposal through. He was partly to blame for expending all his personal political capital on the nuclear deal with America; he had no goodwill left in the political class. Part of the blame went to all the perverse corruption swirling around him: as a result, the Opposition (and some of the allies) had tasted blood and was willing to play brinkmanship because it knew that the morally-compromised government would blink first. "Even Madam abandoned me on FDI ? @snowyWFT," he tweeted.
"Untrue @calculusrules," Bianca Castafiore tweeted (her handle: @jewelsong). "Party wanted healthy democratic discussion."
It was a rare tweet by Castafiore, otherwise silent online even though she and her minions kept an eye on what was being said about her iron grip on the country from behind the scenes. She was advised by her shrewd maid Irma, who spent her time cleaning the muck emerging from the media, and insurance salesman Jolyon Wagg, who felt that one day even he could replace good old Cuthbert Calculus. They all thought that this rare but effective intervention by Madam would end the matter once and for all.
"Castafiore lies," SnowyWFT tweeted. "She's party to all govt decisions but it suits her to leave others in the lurch as @princeabdullah faces tough poll battle."
"ROFL," Tintin tweeted. "@princeabdullah is going down big time @snowyWFT."
"Woof," SnowyWFT tweeted. "Only way @princeabdullah can keep from getting squashed is by being CM candidate @tintin."
"LMAO," Tintin tweeted. "He's too chicken to be CM candidate even though he'll sweep if he goes for it."
"Enough," shrieked Castafiore. She summoned Irma, the faithful maid who had already proven her value as a shrewd tactician. "Who is this imposter tweeting as Snowy?" she demanded.
"Thompson and Thomson are on the job trying to find out," Irma said.
"Oh great," Castafiore said. "Those geniuses will probably say it is Cuthbert Calculus himself. Or even Subhash Chandra Bose."
"We could ask Rastapopoulos, our communication and information technology minister, to do something in the meantime," Irma suggested. "Maybe he could arm-twist Facebook and Google, the way we've dealt with the traditional media. After all, there is a lot of nonsense all over the internet about Madam and the Crown Prince and these social media websites do nothing to control them."
"What about democracy and free speech?" Castafiore wondered when Rastapopoulos arrived.
"Look how dangerous democracy and free speech are in Kashmir," Rastapopoulos said. "Allow them to speak their minds and they want an end to human rights violations and an end to the Army's unnecessary presence. In India, free speech leads to secession; it leads to riots. Hence, in India, free speech has to be managed by the government, which knows what the people need better than the people themselves."
Thus Rastapopoulos met the executives who were stunned by his shamelessness. When the media jumped on this Orwellian tactic, Rastapopoulos was unruffled.
"It goes to show, everything in our politics is personalised @tintin," SnowyWFT tweeted.
"How so?"
"Tough decisions are junked if they hurt the dynasty's prospects; Facebook is collared if the dynasty is lampooned."
Meanwhile, Thompson and Thomson reported back to Jolyon Wagg.
"It isn't Professor Calculus," Thomson announced. "He doesn't care if nothing happens, so long as he gets to stay prime minister."
"And it isn't Anna Hazare," Thompson added. "He doesn't care what happens so long as he gets to be saviour of the nation."
"Then who is it?" Wagg demanded. "Who's pretending to be Snowy?"
"Arnab Goswami, of course."
Tintin pressed the twitter app on his tablet and he saw someone posting under the handle @snowyWFT (which he guessed stood for White Fox Terrier) and he was intrigued. After all, Snowy did not have opposable thumbs (or a capacity for abstract thought) so someone was using his identity on the internet. It might have been Captain Haddock playing a prank but Tintin doubted it: the good captain tweeted as @rationmyrum and was pretty prolific, even if his tweets were mostly Baudelaire-like in their praise of Loch Lomond whiskey. It might have been Cutts the butcher, but he too was prolific as @cuttsmeats though how his tweets kept landing on Tintin's timeline was a genuine mystery that no hacker could explain. He realised it was time to ask his friends, @thompson and @withoutthepee, to investigate.
"Mum's the word," Thompson tweeted. "We'll start with @calculusrules."
It made sense, for Professor Calculus appeared to be down in the dumps ever since his proposal for allowing 51% FDI in multi-brand retail was shelved. He knew that trouble loomed: the economy was clearly slowing down, and even if Europe accepted Germany's rules for fiscal discipline ("Hitler must be laughing from his throne in hell @calculusrules," SnowyWFT had tweeted tastelessly), the meltdown would cause the globe to sink faster than Red Rackham's treasure. Money was racing madly to the US. The country could lessen the pain by attracting some of that money through FDI. And who would get hurt? All prophets of doom had repeatedly been proven wrong since 1991.
Yet so politically weakened was Professor Calculus that he could not push the FDI proposal through. He was partly to blame for expending all his personal political capital on the nuclear deal with America; he had no goodwill left in the political class. Part of the blame went to all the perverse corruption swirling around him: as a result, the Opposition (and some of the allies) had tasted blood and was willing to play brinkmanship because it knew that the morally-compromised government would blink first. "Even Madam abandoned me on FDI ? @snowyWFT," he tweeted.
"Untrue @calculusrules," Bianca Castafiore tweeted (her handle: @jewelsong). "Party wanted healthy democratic discussion."
It was a rare tweet by Castafiore, otherwise silent online even though she and her minions kept an eye on what was being said about her iron grip on the country from behind the scenes. She was advised by her shrewd maid Irma, who spent her time cleaning the muck emerging from the media, and insurance salesman Jolyon Wagg, who felt that one day even he could replace good old Cuthbert Calculus. They all thought that this rare but effective intervention by Madam would end the matter once and for all.
"Castafiore lies," SnowyWFT tweeted. "She's party to all govt decisions but it suits her to leave others in the lurch as @princeabdullah faces tough poll battle."
"ROFL," Tintin tweeted. "@princeabdullah is going down big time @snowyWFT."
"Woof," SnowyWFT tweeted. "Only way @princeabdullah can keep from getting squashed is by being CM candidate @tintin."
"LMAO," Tintin tweeted. "He's too chicken to be CM candidate even though he'll sweep if he goes for it."
"Enough," shrieked Castafiore. She summoned Irma, the faithful maid who had already proven her value as a shrewd tactician. "Who is this imposter tweeting as Snowy?" she demanded.
"Thompson and Thomson are on the job trying to find out," Irma said.
"Oh great," Castafiore said. "Those geniuses will probably say it is Cuthbert Calculus himself. Or even Subhash Chandra Bose."
"We could ask Rastapopoulos, our communication and information technology minister, to do something in the meantime," Irma suggested. "Maybe he could arm-twist Facebook and Google, the way we've dealt with the traditional media. After all, there is a lot of nonsense all over the internet about Madam and the Crown Prince and these social media websites do nothing to control them."
"What about democracy and free speech?" Castafiore wondered when Rastapopoulos arrived.
"Look how dangerous democracy and free speech are in Kashmir," Rastapopoulos said. "Allow them to speak their minds and they want an end to human rights violations and an end to the Army's unnecessary presence. In India, free speech leads to secession; it leads to riots. Hence, in India, free speech has to be managed by the government, which knows what the people need better than the people themselves."
Thus Rastapopoulos met the executives who were stunned by his shamelessness. When the media jumped on this Orwellian tactic, Rastapopoulos was unruffled.
"It goes to show, everything in our politics is personalised @tintin," SnowyWFT tweeted.
"How so?"
"Tough decisions are junked if they hurt the dynasty's prospects; Facebook is collared if the dynasty is lampooned."
Meanwhile, Thompson and Thomson reported back to Jolyon Wagg.
"It isn't Professor Calculus," Thomson announced. "He doesn't care if nothing happens, so long as he gets to stay prime minister."
"And it isn't Anna Hazare," Thompson added. "He doesn't care what happens so long as he gets to be saviour of the nation."
"Then who is it?" Wagg demanded. "Who's pretending to be Snowy?"
"Arnab Goswami, of course."
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