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| INDIAN DREAM: Shah Rukh Khan at his Mannat study |
As the promotional blitzkrieg for his mega-budget Diwali movie intensifies, the actor demystifies the larger-than-life myth that is King Khan
Place: Mannat, superstar Shah Rukh Khan's suburban bungalow.
Time: Late afternoon.
The actor is hidden from view, the epicentre of a hum of activity, multitasking as he types out mobile messages and listens to three of his team share cross-country schedules: timelines, dates, cities — the whirl of a superstar readying for a mega movie release.
"Give me a minute," he tells me. He may be sitting but he gives the impression of motion: nervous energy clings to him, it permeates the air. He looks up — in spectacles with red rims, casual jeans and tee — 'Tell me', he says.
A big upcoming release, Ra.One (reportedly more than Rs 150 crore at stake, in his own words 'one of the biggest films ever made, in the history of this country') what is his state of mind — anxious? "This is what I do for a living, I feel happy doing nothing else," says SRK. "However cliched that sounds, I feel this is my purpose of life, to make films." "I've become a little more irresponsible since I was 26 when I shot my first movie," he continues. "I'd lost a family, I'd come here… I matured much earlier than I should have perhaps. I didn't play with toys, I didn't get to party — I didn't enjoy myself. I didn't have money, didn't have a house, I had a sister who was not well. I was very responsible for ten years of my life. I was a little highly strung, it mattered to me what people said, Maybe I never showed it. It was extremely important that happiness was measured with the success of the last job I did. 20 years down the line, I find myself becoming more childish, more energetic; I don't want to please anyone — if I like someone, I like them. I've not mellowed actually, I've just become like a child. I have the Indian dream life. But I like to go out of my comfort zone every few years, to find out — Am I deserving of all this? Am I as good an actor as I want to be? So when they say so many brands, so much money's at stake, I say, 'only my childhood's at stake'. I'm very happy — at 45, I've nothing to lose. How many people get to relive their childhood at age 45? And if you don't call it mid-life crisis, what you can call it is innocence…"
Sometime later I ask, how innocent are long shoots with attractive co-stars? Is it difficult to not be attracted? For a split second, the dimples don't flash, are we on shaky territory now? Khan't say, mercurial, the mood. Then, that famed generosity of spirit asserts itself: "I love all my co-stars madly," SRK says. "I feel them. My heart hurts when things are not good for them…"
We're surrounded by books, I ask if he reads. "A lot," he lets on. He's written a book, 25 chapters in all, he reads to me, from it. He's been working on it for years, ignored the clamouring publishing houses so far. "When people stop writing about me, then I'll write about me," he grins, talking of actual publication. Audiences see his myriad avatars, in the span of a few hours, I witness many moods. So who is the real Shah Rukh? Is he always acting? He tries to explain, through-out the conversation: "A lot of people don't know me well enough, so they decide how I could be, should be." Later, "My actor friends say I live in an ivory tower." And then, the narration of a few lines from his book, to make me see: 'What is the real Shah Rukh Khan like? I don't know. Maybe there is no real me left anymore…Maybe I'm just an act now….sometimes I don't recognise my face without the make up on… The boundaries between reel me and the real me have faded beyond repair…Do I love like Rahul or does Rahul love like me? Is it Raj's anger or am I angry playing Raj? I know I would never throw a girl off a terrace. But I'm not sure, if like Devdas, I would destroy myself for a girl…Maybe…Maybe not…"
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