Learn from the mistakes of others, rather than make your own

Learn from the mistakes of others, rather than make your own

    Of course you can stick your finger into an electrical socket, get a massive shock and learn from the experience to never do so again. Or you can read about it, perhaps watch it in a movie, or even see someone do so in front of you and learn to never do so. The same goes for relationships. There are so many situations you encounter which, in hindsight, you wish you had done so differently. Losing your virginity too early, doing drugs, getting involved with a married person, not making a will or insuring your family, neglecting your health, neglecting your partner, are just some examples of choices and experiences that should have been made without learning the hard way. It just takes common sense and the experience of others at every crossroad or fork in the road, to show you which road leads to happiness and which road courts disgrace, punishment, a pricking conscience and many moments of regret. The wisest are those that learn
from the mistakes of others. 

I am a 15-year-old girl. I have never been in a relationship, but I am tall, beautiful and attractive and yes, I have been approached by guys. I am in a ‘to be or not to be’ situation. I want to be with someone, I want to live my age, know what being in love is. Many of my friends are in a relationship and that tempts me even more. What do I do?
• I love the fact you seek guidance from an elder with experience. Teenage years are filled with impetuousness, wonder, and they are always in a hurry to try and do everything and throw caution to the winds. Sure you can “fit in” and waste your time with various boys, but there is no quality, depth or meaning to such liaisons. More often than not, these are the ones you regret. Get to know everyone in your orbit, watch your friends and analyse what goes wrong in their relationships. Your heart is precious. Don’t allow just anyone to play with it. 

I am an 18-year-old girl. I am in a relationship with my man for the past one and a half years. We both have decided that after a few years, when we have jobs and will be financially independent, we will marry each other. I don’t think there’ll be any problem at the time of our marriage. But now, I am just 18, and my family is very conservative. My parents have warned me not to have a relationship and I am scared as to what will happen if they get to know about him. Neither do I want to hurt my parents nor do I want to break up with my guy. Now what should I do?
• Well, if you haven’t listened to them for one and a half years, I don’t see you changing your mind if I were to tell you to do so. Focus on your studies since that’s what will get you a good job. If your marks are excellent then even if your parents find out, you can always state that it doesn’t distract you, in fact motivates you to work harder at your grades. 

I am a 27-year-old girl, in a serious relationship for the last two years with my 28-year-old boyfriend. He is very caring and a sweet guy, he respects women and elders and is also a hardworking person. I was thinking of getting married to him and even our parents had no problem, but some days back, one of our common friends told me that three years back they had gone to Thailand where my boyfriend visited a sex worker, also, he had a few one night stands in the past (before we met each other). When I confronted him about this, he didn’t deny any of it and said “it was just a phase, I took all precautions and I had fun, and I don’t regret it. And the day I got committed to you, I got over with all this.” I trust him and I know he isn’t lying. But the fact that he did all this, makes me a bit uncomfortable. It’s affecting the way I think about him. Am I overreacting, is all this just a normal thing? What should I do?
• If you can’t mess around when you’re single, when can you do it? How nice he’s gotten it all out of his system, that he respects you and hence is truthful with you, and that he has his priorities straight. Such candour is a confidence building measure, so give him a hug and a kiss for his honesty. Stop creating issues when none exist. 

 
How to end a first date
    The saying ‘All’s well that ends well’ also applies to dating. It is important you let the person, you are on a date with, know how you feel. Here’s what you must follow to end a date on the right note:
1. Don’t play hard to get while at it. 2. If you’re not interested, stop pretending you are.
3. Kiss them only if it is evident they want to do the same.
4. Respond if you want to take things forward without making them wait forever.